Can You See Me Now?
by vickikitty
Summary: One simple mistake after a rough night sends Lorelai and Rory's world into a spin. Very mild now, will get heavier as the chapters progress. Chapters 2 and 3 revised, and now Chapter 4 up.
1. The Blink of an Eye

Can You See Me Now?  
By Powder  
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls.   
The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up   
characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used   
without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is   
simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their   
time. 

Chapter 1: In the Blink of an Eye 

Lorelai groaned loudly, muttering to herself as she stepped from   
the Jeep, grasping at the door to keep her heels from slipping in the   
gravel. Rory rolled her eyes and followed her mother to the door.   
"You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you simply faced it   
with a bright smile and a helpful attitude," she offered as both   
Gilmores stood before the door, neither ringing the bell. 

Lorelai made a face and turned to her daughter, "Rory, sweetie, do   
you know what's going to happen when we go in there?" 

"We'll have dinner?" she replied innocently.

"Yes! We'll have dinner. And, because we'll have dinner, we'll   
have to talk. Meaning that the subject of college will surely come   
up because my mother is simply all-knowing like that. Then, being   
the sweet, sensitive soul that you are, you'll tell her of all the   
colleges you were accepted to and then Dad will chime in because   
you were accepted to his alma mater and insist that you go there   
and then your decisions will be influenced because you simply   
can't reguse—" 

"Mom!" Lorelai stopped mid-rant at Rory's voice. "It won't be that bad. Let's just go in." 

At that moment, the door was opened and Emily Gilmore appeared   
on the other side, looking impeccably groomed as usual. "Lorelai!   
Rory! I thought I heard you two out here." 

"Hi, Grandma." 

"Hi, Mom." 

The girls chimed in a greeting together as they stepped across the   
threshold, handing their jackets to the tiny maid waiting nearby. 

"Well, come on, come on, let's get you two a drink." Emily   
ushered both into the parlor where Richard was nose-deep in that   
day's edition of the Wall Street Journal. "Rory, Lorelai." He   
acknowledged their presence with a faint nod before diving back   
in. 

"Anything interesting, Grandpa?" Rory asked politely, taking a   
soda from Emily and sitting down on the plush sofa behind her. 

"Oh, don't bother, Rory," Emily dismissed the question with an   
imperious wave of her hand. "There were some problems in the   
market today, and so your grandfather has eyes for nothing else."   
Lorelai smirked into her drink, noticing Emily's clear lack of   
tolerance. 

"So, Rory, Lorelai, how has your week been?" She asked, sitting   
next to Richard and attempting to move the night along. 

Lorelai and Rory exchanged glances before Lorelai answered in an   
offhanded tone. "Oh, you know…little of this, little of that…New   
people, old people…you know how it is…" She trailed off and   
flashed a smile at her mother, who gave her a quizzical look. "No,   
Lorelai, I'm afraid you'll have to fill me in." 

Rory glanced down at her lap and grinned secretly at her mother's   
lack of comfort. "What Mom means is that she ran into Max the   
other day." Emily's eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she   
opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by the timid maid   
announcing dinner. "Well…uhm…yes, let's go to the dining   
room…" She eyed her daughter, who squirmed under such close   
scrutiny and escaped to the dining room, shooting Rory the glare of   
death when she passed. 

Richard followed the trio rather reluctantly, his eyes still focused   
upon the newspaper. Rory watched her grandfather as he managed   
to walk over to his chair and sit down without ever taking his eyes   
from the article he was engrossed in. 

"So, Lorelai, you saw that man? Max, was it? Were you actually   
civil to him?" Emily asked her daughter these questions with an   
imperious air while Rory looked on curiously and Richard stayed   
within the safe confines of his paper. 

Lorelai sunk down in her seat, suddenly feeling her cheeks begin to   
burn. It was going to be a long night. 

Halfway through the main course, it was finally time for the   
inevitable. 

"Rory, it's about that time…Have you heard from your colleges   
yet?" Emily stared at Rory with a hunger in her eyes and Lorelai   
nearly jumped in her seat. Brushing the dark, curly hair back from   
her face she observed her daughter carefully as it was her turn to   
squirm under the intensity of Emily Gilmore. 

"Well…I did hear from a couple…"

"Oh?" Now Richard's interest was piqued as he looked up from his   
food. 

"Yeah…Umm…Harvard…" Emily nodded, encouraging Rory to   
continue. "Vassar…" She looked nervously between Emily and   
Lorelai as the big one came up. "Yale." 

"Yale?" Richard asked, startled, the hint of a smile tugging at his   
mouth. 

"Yale?" Emily chimed in, a smile already bright on her face. 

"Yale." Lorelai and Rory concluded. 

"Well, that's wonderful, Rory! Do you have more to hear from?"   
Emily asked, barely able to contain her excitement as she began to   
shift in her seat. 

"Well, just a couple…I haven't made any plans yet…" Rory   
crossed her arms over her chest, the rest of her cake suddenly   
loosing its appeal. She stared down at her plate, unwilling to meet   
the eager eyes of her grandparents, nor the defeated ones of her   
mother. It was a long night indeed. Rory knew when she was   
cornered. It wasn't easy trying to please everyone. The rest of the   
meal was finished in silence and grunts on the part of Lorelai,   
while Rory tried to avoid the prying question about the differences   
between Harvard and Yale that her grandparents skillfully asked.   
Rory was at a loss for words, but answered as best she could,   
providing half-answers and evasive replies to ward off the   
questions of her hungry grandparents. 

Of course, the meal couldn't end without an outburst from Lorelai.   
When the questions simply got to be too much for her, she burst   
out with a "Okay, Mom, enough with the barrage already, can't you   
see she's uncomfortable?" 

Lorelai nearly wilted under the harsh stare of Emily, but managed   
to hold onto her dignity with the last ounce of strength she had. 

"Lorelai…we're simply asking our granddaughter where she wants   
to go to college. Hopefully our conversation will inspire her and   
provide her with some insight as to where she wants to eventually   
end up." Emily's domineering tone left little room for discussion   
and Rory blushed as she scented the beginning of a fight. 

"Well, Mom, we haven't even really discussed it. I think Rory   
wants to make up her own mind without the influence of others." 

Emily looked taken aback and starred at her daughter with a small   
glimmer of anger in her steely eyes. "Lorelai, you're being   
unreasonable. We're simply asking—" 

"No, Mom, you always do this!" 

"Mom…" Rory began to interject in her soft voice and paled as   
every eye in the room turned to her. 

"Rory, honey, why don't you get our coats. We're going to leave   
soon." Lorelai looked over to Emily as she said this, her own gaze   
as stubborn as the other, leaving no room for negotiation. Rory   
reluctantly stood up and walked from the room, leaving Lorelai   
alone with her parents. 

"Mom, please understand something. Rory is influenced very   
easily by you two because she so wants to please you guys. But I   
want her to figure this out on her own. I have not spoken with her   
about which one she should or should not pick and I'm waiting   
until she asks for my opinion on her own. Even then, I will try to   
be as impartial as I can be. But you…She knows what you want   
and what you would like to see her do. She loves you a lot and   
really wants to please you. But I don't want her to sacrifice her   
future happiness simply because she wants to please you." 

"Oh, Lorelai, I think you're going overboard there!" Emily   
declared slamming her napkin down on the table. "Rory will be   
happy with whatever—" 

"Yes, she will. But she will be happiest if she chooses on her own.   
Please understand that." Lorelai stood up, leaving her parents in a   
stunned silence. "I'll see you next week." She walked out of the   
room and collected her coat from Rory who stood by the door. 

When Lorelai and Rory were finally back inside the Jeep, Lorelai   
groaned again and stared out at the wet pavement. Apparently it   
had rained while they were inside. Very appropriate. 

Rory looked down at her clasped hands, then at her mother. "Sorry   
about that, Mom…" she apologized in a small voice while her doe-  
like eyes settled on the form of her mother slumped over the   
steering wheel. 

"Ah…it's all right, Rory…Was bound to come out sooner or later.   
At least it's over with now." She turned and flashed a half-hearted   
smile at her offspring before starting the car and rolling out of the   
gravel drive. 

"So what are you gonna do?" Lorelai asked, glancing at Rory who   
shrugged helplessly. 

"I don't know…what are you gonna do?" 

"I don't know." 

Their conversation was light, tending toward harmless topics that   
bore little meaning to either of them. When they entered the back   
roads of Stars Hollow, Lorelai was laughing at something Rory   
had said, the tension between them finally beginning to break,   
when the Jeep's headlights fell upon the stunned form of a buck in   
the center of the lane. 

"Mom!" Rory screamed, her hand pointing to the deer caught in   
the headlights. 

Everything else seemed to happen in a single beat of the heart.   
Lorelai gasped and slammed on the breaks, causing the car to slide   
on the wet pavement toward the deer. Rory gripped the seat and   
sucked in her breath, heart pounding in her chest. She turned to her   
mother as the animal's body went down under the car and the Jeep   
ran over it. The wheels skidded and turned and Rory felt her heart   
and limbs tremble as the Jeep flipped over. Then everything went   
black. 


	2. Show Me Love

Can You See Me Now?  
  
By Powder  
  
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.  
  
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Review pleeeeeeease! I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer everything is greatly appreciated, thanks :)  
  
Look to my personal page on fanfiction.net for updates on progress--I promise I won't forget about the story, but as I want to make each chapter as good as it can be, it may be a few weeks between each chapter. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter--seems a bit slow to me--but I have run out of ideas for right now and I'm eager to progress. Perhaps I may re-edit it later on, but for now this is it!  
  
In the following chapters I'm hoping to relate the events that are happening in the last few episodes into this fic. I won't follow everything to the letter because circumstances are different now (of course), but I think it would be interesting to take a different spin on these topics. If you have another opinion, I would gladly listen. Thanks!  
  
Chapter 2: Show Me Love  
  
Harsh beeps and soft whisperings assaulted Rory's foggy senses and her mind was a blur of color and images. She groaned softly and shifted her body weight, causing a murmur to arise in her room. What was that awful buzzing?  
  
A soft voice cajoled Rory into opening her eyes quite reluctantly. For a moment, all she could discern was the face of a kind nurse in a white uniform staring back at her. The bright lights seemed blinding and she was forced to close her eyes before the panicked voice of her grandmother brought them open once more. Emily's teary-eyed gaze met her own for a brief moment and she managed to croak out, "Gr'ma?" Her throat felt sore and she grimaced.  
  
"There, now..." the nurse soothed, holding a cup of water to Rory so she could take a small sip and ease her burning throat. A doctor had pulled Emily and Richard aside and was talking quietly to them. Richard had his arm around Emily, supporting her slight frame as it shivered under the doctor's gaze. Something he said made Emily give a raspy sob and fly from the room, Richard hot on her heels.  
  
"Mom?" Rory groaned and blinked against the harsh atmosphere. The nurse shook her head and put a hand on Rory's shoulder. "You'll see your mother later. Just try to get some rest." Rory mumbled something incoherent before blackness overtook her once more.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The next time Rory awoke, there were more people in the room and her mind felt clearer. She slowly opened her eyes without making a sound. Emily and Richard were still there as well as the doctor, but now Jess was also present and a familiar coat over an empty chair signaled the existence of Luke.  
  
"--be fine," the doctor was explaining something to Richard. "Minor bruising and concussion, full use of limbs...She'll be fine, I think. We just have to wait to see if there's any memory loss..." Richard's face was pale and haggard as he listened to the diagnosis. Emily's face looked like it would never dry again and Jess was bent over his knees, his head in his hands. Luke was nowhere in sight. The doctor looked up and his eyes fell on Rory's tired, curious blue eyes. "Rory! My dear, I'm Andrew. How are you feeling?" This simple question caused every eye in the room to fall on Rory's prostrate form, and she suddenly felt very self-conscious lying helpless in the huge white bed.  
  
"I...I...uhm..." Her voice was soft and scratchy, but grew stronger with use as her scattered mind also tried to piece together the events of the previous day. There was dinner and then the discussion...er fight...and then the deer... "Mom? Where's Mom? I want--what happened? The car and--" The doctor placed his hand on Rory's shoulder to try and ease the flow of words from her mouth.  
  
"Rory, slow down. All of your questions will be answered, but first I have to ask you a couple." Rory felt like her head was spinning and clouded with the memory of that night and that deer. "Now, do you remember the accident?"  
  
Rory turned her incredulous blue eyes on the doctor as if he had two heads. She was angry and belligerent, answering "Remember? I was in a car crash...Who's gonna forget that?" Emily, Richard, Jess, and Andrew were now all crowded around the bed and exchanging worrisome glances. "Where's Mom? How long have I been here? Where's here?"  
  
"Okay, one thing at a time. Do you remember what happened before the accident?" Andrew spoke to Rory as if she were a mental case and he the kindly man in a white uniform come to rehabilitate her.  
  
Rory was suddenly livid. Who was he to withhold information from her, especially when it concerned her absolute best friend and mother? "No!" She squeaked, her weak voice cracking under the pressure and excitement. She could feel her vision begin to blur and her breathing quickened. "I want my mother!" Emily sobbed and turned away, a hand covering her mouth. Richard looked down, unwilling to meet Rory's eyes. She looked to the last person in the room it seemed she could trust, but even Jess didn't have an answer and turned away sadly. "No..." Rory could feel herself getting hysterical and then the words just couldn't stop. "No, no, it couldn't happen...My fault...It's my mother and it's me and I'm fine and Lorelai's fine and the car is--"  
  
"Rory, stop!" Jess interrupted, his face drawn and pallid.  
  
"Jess?" Rory's watery eyes pleaded with her boyfriend, willing her darkest fears not to be true.  
  
"Lorelai is alive."  
  
"Oh, God..." Rory sighed gratefully and closed her eyes as the warm blanket of relief spread over her. When she opened her eyes again, she realized that no one else was sharing her moment of bliss. That's when she realized that not everything was a-OK. "Wait...why do you all look like that? What happened? Grandma?"  
  
Andrew looked to Richard and Emily, neither of which seemed to give an answer to his probing look. "Rory, your mother took the brunt of the accident and is now in a coma. She has a broken leg, but all her other limbs and her spinal cord are intact. There was minor bruising and some shallow cuts to her legs and arms as well as a large gash on her left leg. She appears to be very healthy with good vital signs. Only time will tell now." He stated all this in a very blunt manner, knocking all sense out of Rory's already confused brain. "Now, may we address your own injuries?"  
  
"What?" Rory's eyes unfocused and blurred as hot tears welled up, stinging and clouding her vision. "I...I don't know..."  
  
Andrew sighed, "Would you excuse us for a few moments, please?" Emily, Richard, and Jess were ushered out of the room by the nurse from before and the door shut. The nurse tottered around the room, checking Rory's IV, opening her curtains, and clearing away the trash while the doctor talked. "Rory...you have to listen to me. In order for you to help your mother, you have to get better first. Now, you suffered a mild concussion, but nothing was broken. If you'll look down at your arm, you'll notice the bandages. You'll have a slight scar from that injury, but nothing extreme. You're probably feeling pretty sore from all the bruises, but all in all, you fared pretty well. Any questions?"  
  
Rory blinked and a tear slid down her cheek. Andrew politely checked his charts for a moment while she wiped it away with the hand of her uninjured arm. "I...how long have I been here?"  
  
"You've been in and out of consciousness for approximately three days. It is Monday morning, eleven o'clock."  
  
"Three days?" To Rory, that seemed liked a lifetime. She had never slept for three days before. And what about Lorelai?  
  
"Yes...Three days. You are in the Point View Hospital, just outside Stars Hollow."  
  
The nurse came over and gently touched Rory's shoulder. "Honey, I need to change your bandages now. You may want to look away." Rory didn't seem to comprehend her words, but her eyes remained fixated on the doctor.  
  
"I want to go home..." Rory's voice sounded small and weak, pleading and desperate, willing this whole experience to be a dream.  
  
Andrew bent his head and scanned the chart, "Well, if you just follow everything that you're told and try your best to come to grips with the accident, then I think you should be out of here in about a week, though probably a little bit more."  
  
Rory looked down at her lap before her arm seemed to scream in pain. She looked over with a gasp and felt like she would faint at the sight. Her slender arm was blotched with ugly dark bruises and a long bloody gash ran from her elbow to her wrist. The nurse was cleaning the wound with a solution that stung and made Rory's eyes burn with more tears. "Darling, you shouldn't look. This will heal in time, but for now it will hurt."  
  
Rory sighed and gulped back a sob of pain. Whether it was the pain of her arm or that of her heart, she couldn't tell. All she knew was that this day couldn't get any worse.  
  
Andrew recognized the panicked, trapped look that began to invade Rory's eyes and he made a motion to the nurse. "Rory, you should try to sleep now. The more you rest, the easier the pain will get."  
  
"But I can't..." Andrew nodded, but didn't seem to hear her as he inserted a needle into her IV. A warm, fuzzy sensation took Rory's mind away from the pain and she seemed to float above all her troubles before her eyes closed and the familiar blackness returned.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The next day, Rory awoke feeling more a part of her own body. Well, at least the pain certainly seemed more real. A flutter of movement by the corner of her room made Rory turn her eyes to the other occupant. Jess's dark eyes met her own and he slowly stood up. He moved toward the bed as if he had wooden legs, slow and clunky.  
  
"Hi." His soft voice was an immense comfort to her. He took her good hand within his own and squeezed it lightly. She squeezed back and mumbled a welcome. Jess shifted where he stood and seemed a bit uncomfortable. "How are you? I mean, well, you're here and lying down, obviously, but I mean are you okay? Well, not okay, but you're...okay?"  
  
Rory managed a half-smile at Jess's blundering attempts to have a conversation. "I'm fine...kinda. I've been better, though." She stole a glance behind Jess and noticed that Luke's coat was still there. "Where's Luke?"  
  
"He's with Lorelai. He wasn't allowed in her room because he wasn't family, but didn't let that stop him. Hasn't left her side since."  
  
Rory's face drained of color and she looked down at their clasped hands. "Has anyone else come?"  
  
"I don't think anyone else knows. Emily only told Luke because he called when she was at your house."  
  
"At our house?"  
  
"Yeah, she thought you might want your own pillows and blankets, if you hadn't noticed already. And your clothes were bad, so she brought you some more..." Rory raised her eyebrows at the fountain of information Jess appeared to be. He sighed exasperatedly and rolled his eyes, "Your grandmother wouldn't leave until I promised to tell you all this and then your grandfather drilled it into my head some more, happy?" She managed a half smile, knowing it must have been some feat in order to get Emily to leave her or Lorelai's side. "So...you need anything?"  
  
"No...I'm fine."  
  
Andrew came in next. "Miss Gilmore, I'm pleased to see you awake. Could you wait outside, Mr. uhhm...?" He looked at Jess pointedly, who shot his own daggers at the taller man.  
  
Jess looked at Rory who helplessly shrugged. "I'll be outside. Call if you need me."  
  
She nodded, but as he turned to go, "Um, wait...Can you call Lane for me?" Her dewy eyes pleaded with his own hard ones as he groaned painfully and bent his head in what might be interpreted as an affirmative.  
  
Andrew turned to her when the door was closed and smiled cheerfully. "How are you this morning, Rory?"  
  
"I feel a bit more like...myself." She smiled her half-smile and tried to find anything to look at other than his smiling face.  
  
"Well, that's good...Think you could eat a bit? And I emphasize a bit. Don't want to put too much pressure on your stomach." As if on cue, a nurse came in with a tray of mild yogurt and two slices of toast. A cup of milk sat precariously on the end. Rory felt like an infant. Andrew stayed with her as she drank the milk, ate the toast and jam, but left the gloppy- looking yogurt. He talked while she ate, updating her on the weather status, her visitors (Emily, Richard, Jess, and Luke), and her mother. Lorelai's leg was apparently mending well along with her other injuries, though she was still unconscious. "I think you should actually be going home next Thursday or Friday..."  
  
The words were barely out of his mouth when a tornado burst into the room in the form of Lane, Miss Patty, Sookie, Jackson, Morey and Babette. Half of them carried flowers and the other half had baskets of food.  
  
Everyone burst into conversation at once. Jess led the tail end, coming in silent and grim. Andrew's face darkened in anger. "You can't all come bursting in here, you know. The patient must be kept--" but his voice was drowned out and he was pushed to the back by the throng of visitors.  
  
"Rory, sweetie, oh this is dreadful! And Lorelai--"  
  
"Oh, Rory, baby, those deer! Menaces!"  
  
"Very uncool deer."  
  
"Rory, can I get you anything? The food here looks awful--"  
  
"Definitely not organic."  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
The room hushed as Rory's eyes welled up with tears again. Lane was instantly at her side and Rory clung to her friend for the small amount of comfort she provided. Suddenly she was surrounded by a flood of hugs, embraces, and soothing murmurs of compassion. Jess hung back uncomfortably. He glanced up at the group and, through the mass of bodies, he could see Rory's pleading eyes. The sight wrenched at his heart and he turned away though guilt began to invade his heart as well.  
  
Later that day, Lane, Jess, and Luke were still there playing cards with Rory. Luke was silent and ragged, his grunts becoming few and far between as he listlessly moved through the motions and the teenagers talked around him.  
  
Sookie and Jackson came in a few minutes later as the last to visit Lorelai. Sookie's eyes were rimmed in red and she was sniffling into what looked like Jackson's handkerchief.  
  
"Oh, Rory, sweetie, we have to go. We'll be back with some...some proper food tomorrow. And...and some coffee. Yes. You'd like that, right?" Sookie gasped and forced a smile through her tears. Jackson glanced worriedly between Sookie and the rapidly dimming Rory. "Okay, time for us to leave. Rory, we'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Rory shook her head, "Oh, no, I mean...You can come if you want to, but if you have work..."  
  
Sookie forced a very unconvincing laugh and said, "Nonsense! Of course we'll come back and see you guys tomorrow! But right now I just need, um, uh, coffee, yes, you know? So, we'll see you later!" Jackson smiled briefly at Rory and nodded goodbye before taking Sookie by the shoulders and steering her out the door.  
  
Luke finally spoke up, "I wonder if I should...get back to work..." Rory recalled the day a couple years ago when Richard had a heart attack and Luke drove Lorelai to the hospital. He was extremely uncomfortable then and seemed even more so now. The accident had certainly taken a toll on his consciousness and Rory was beginning to see the hardened lumberjack in a whole new light. "Luke, it's okay if you want to go," she told him, "I know hospitals aren't really your thing..."  
  
Luke looked up at Rory and she could see him flinch, his eyes falling on her ragged countenance and ashen complexion. "You know what, screw the doctors. I'm getting you coffee, even if I have to insert it into that damn uh...bag...thing..." He motioned towards the IV, taking painful cares not to look at it.  
  
Rory found herself smiling and she nodded, "Ok. That sounds good." Luke nodded, his face composed and unemotional. Luke looked to Jess and raised his eyebrows in an unspoken question. "I...I think I'll stay till you come back." Luke frowned, but didn't say anything, simply stood up and nodded to everyone and left, his eyes firmly planted on the ground.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The week continued with one visit after another. Rory was rarely left alone and never lacked company. Luke kept her stocked in coffee and Sookie kept her in healthy foods that didn't taste like cardboard, and Lane came over every day after school to keep her in touch with the Stars Hollow social situations. Jess stopped by every day and cut school twice to be with Rory. He received an earful every time, but both visits kept Rory's spirits high.  
  
On the first Jess visit, Rory received an unexpected visitor.  
  
It was Thursday. Jess was sitting on the side of Rory's bed and holding her hand, making quiet conversation when the door opened. Lane walked in, accompanied by none other than Dean. At the sight of Jess, Dean's eyes narrowed and hardened, while Jess's face turned into a grimace. They both glanced at Rory--whose expression was tired, expectant, and worried-- instantly feeling guilty.  
  
"Hey, Rory, Jess..."  
  
"Lane...Dean."  
  
"Hey, guys, sit! Have a cookie, Sookie made them this morning." Rory's face smiled expectantly at the new visitors as she held out a tin container of fresh chocolate chip cookies. Lane and Dean each took one before sitting on the other side of the bed from Jess.  
  
The room was awkwardly silent for the moment as its four occupants stared at each other. Lane frowned and proceeded to nibble on her cookie, suddenly finding the tiny crumbs that landed on her lap very interesting.  
  
Dean was the first to break the awkward silence, "I'm sorry, Rory...about the accident, I mean. I would have come sooner, but I only just found out..." Jess coughed a word into his hand and Rory shot him a look. Her hurt blue eyes and pained countenance instantly wheedled a guilty feeling into his stomach and Jess quickly looked away.  
  
"Have you seen Lorelai yet, Rory?" Lane asked, attempting to move the focus from the Jess and Dean drama.  
  
"No," Rory's face fell at the thought. "I haven't been allowed out yet. The farthest I've been allowed is the bathroom. The doctors say the weekend...maybe." The tears that never seemed to go away welled up behind her eyes and Rory bit her lip to keep them from falling. Her three companions reflected Rory's mood in their own expressions – even Jess looked down and squeezed Rory's hand lightly.  
  
Rory was grateful for the attention Jess gave her, but it simply wasn't the same knowing...how her mother was. Lorelai was what seemed to keep her world together. What if she never--No, must not think of that. But as Rory's eyes dried and filled with tears again, she knew her life could never go back to the way it was. She would be forever changed by the experience--Not to mention that venison would turn her stomach whenever Sookie cooked it up at the inn.  
  
A few harsh beeps brought Rory from her depressing thoughts and she turned toward the source--Dean. He was checking his beeper and flushing slightly.  
  
"Sorry, Rory," he mumbled an apology, "I have to run. I...uh...Lindsay and I had stuff planned..." Rory couldn't determine how she felt about this. When she discovered them at the hockey game, she felt betrayed and discarded. But it was simply absurd--they weren't together! They were still friends, though, right?  
  
"Oh, sure, I understand." She forced a smile and gave his shoulder a weak, but playful shove. "I'd rather be anywhere but here, too."  
  
Dean's face betrayed his guilty feelings and he looked toward the door with a sense of longing...and foreboding. "Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Rory smiled briefly and watched Dean walk out the door, uneaten cookie still in hand. Rory turned to Jess, whose eyes were also on Dean's retreating form. "Geez, that was nice. You'd think he couldn't bear to stay another minute..."  
  
"Jess!" Rory exclaimed weakly. "Dean takes what time he can. You can't expect him or anyone to stay for a long time...It was very nice he came in at all given...." But she couldn't bring herself to say it and turned quickly away from Jess's probing gaze.  
  
Jess sighed and shook his head, "Well, I gotta get to work." He bent down and gave Rory a quick, light kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow." And then there were two. Neither Lane nor Rory knew quite what to say.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The week passed quickly. Rory moved on to physical therapy and the bandage was finally removed from her damaged arm. The sight was still a bit unpleasant, but at least it wasn't oozing blood and puss anymore and the stitches were helping to heal the wound nicely. The swelling and bruising on her body had also receded and she no longer looked like a newspaper.  
  
The next Thursday was the day she was due to leave and Emily was rushing around her hospital room in a frenzy, gathering blankets, pillows, clothes, and flowers for the car. Rory had changed back into a comfortable pair of sweats and her hair was tied back in a loose ponytail at the base of her neck. Before she left, the doctors had promised her a small visit with her mother. She had been prevented from venturing down to her room on the charge that she was in a "delicate condition" and needed to stay situated as much as possible.  
  
Jess sighed and turned away from watching Emily yell at the nurse. Rory stood at his side, hesitantly testing out legs that hadn't been utilized much in over a week. "Are you ready?"  
  
Rory looked to him with an uncertain look in her eyes. How could she ever be ready for something like this? "Yes."  
  
Already in Lorelai's room was Luke, head in hands once more. His disgust of hospitals and his concern for Lorelai forever battled in his head. He slowly raised his gaze to look at the lone bed in the room and the pale figure occupying it. The shine and curl had gone from Lorelai's hair and her face had lost its luster. She would have looked like she was sleeping except for the pale cheeks and sallow countenance. Luke quickly ducked down again, rocking slightly in his seat. His eyes were dry--he had never cried-- but the wretched feeling in his gut seemed a permanent resident that would never take its much-wanted leave.  
  
He hadn't seen or spoken to Nicole since a few days after the accident, when he gave her a quick excuse and rushed back to the hospital. He felt guilty about that, too. He hadn't seen her since who-knows-when and she probably wanted to break up and had begun to harbor intensely harsh feelings against Lorelai, who seemed to take precedence in Luke's thoughts even when she couldn't respond to human attention. That last thought caught Luke by surprise. Lorelai and him were just friends. He cared for her as only a friend could. He must get his life back on track and go see Nicole.  
  
Luke picked up his head for another quick glance at Lorelai. In the movies, the doctors always said that talking to a patient helped. They might hear and find the energy to come back to the real world. Personally, Luke found talking to a person who couldn't respond a bit embarrassing and pointless. But this was Lorelai. It wasn't just anyone. Lorelai meant...well...something. To see her without the usual spark and life that so defined her character pained Luke. Would he risk looking like an idiot to take a path that probably was 1% effective in its curative qualities?  
  
But if it helped Lorelai...  
  
Luke hesitantly stood up in a jerky fashion, like he was using joints and muscles that hadn't been used in over a decade. He sighed heavily and slowly stepped over to the end of the bed where Lorelai lay, still and unchanged. The sight of her lying there, helpless, hurt Luke more than he could say. How could he express how he felt in words when he didn't even know how he felt at all?  
  
But he didn't get the chance to figure it out as a startled sob sounded from the doorway. Rory had a hand over her mouth in shock and she leaned heavily on Jess's arm. The sight of Lorelai was more than she could bear. What Luke had managed to block out, Rory saw clear as day. Her mother's left temple was heavily bruised, tiny cuts dotted the left side of her face, and her right arm was in a cast. Her left arm was bandaged, but tiny spots of blood seeped through the cloth, alluding to deep gashes from the broken Jeep window. Hot, painful tears slid down Rory's cheeks unchecked as her eyes gazed at Lorelai, horrified by the destruction one stupid deer could cause.  
  
Jess turned Rory away and she buried her head in the collar of his sweatshirt, one hand gripping its front and other his back. Luke's eyes met Jess's over Rory's head and they agreed. Jess led Rory out and back to Emily, who helped her to the car and drove off for the mansion. 


	3. Everything's All Wrong

Can You See Me Now?  
  
By Powder  
  
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.  
  
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Reviews and *constructive* criticism are both greatly appreciated. I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer, I appreciate even the smallest idea or bit of help, thanks :)  
  
This chapter has been redone ever so slightly. I changed a few subtle things. Look at the note in chapter 4 for a better explanation of the revisions.  
  
Chapter 3: Everything's All Wrong  
  
When Emily had deposited Rory's clothing and flowers in the room she had been given a year or so back, she ushered her into the kitchen where the new maid was preparing lunch.  
  
"Now, Rory, you should have something good to eat. I know that Sookie has been bringing you substitutes for that disastrous sludge they call food at that despicable institution, but now you can have something prepared hot and—"  
  
Rory watched with a hazy expression as her grandmother rattled off a list of food and good reasons for eating good food. But, beneath the well- practiced front Emily continued to keep, Rory caught the hint of distress in her shaking hands and the way her eyes fell on everything but Rory. She watched Emily putter around, upsetting the maid and pulling every known ingredient from the refrigerator. Rory sighed quietly and closed her tired, reddened eyes, appreciating the lengths Emily was taking, but finding she lacked the strength to keep up her own half of the façade. "Grandma," she began quietly, her voice seeming to carry to every corner of the room, stopping Emily in her tracks. "Grandma, I don't think I'm really hungry...I just want to go to my room."  
  
"Oh...all right. Well...call if you need anything." Her offer met Rory's silent back as she exited the kitchen. But when Rory entered the room given to her, she felt like a stranger amidst the pink interior, the shelves and tables dappled with sunflowers and her gifts from the hospital. This wasn't her home. Her home was with Lorelai in a strange, tiny town known as Stars Hollow, amidst the unusual characters she grew up with.  
  
But that wasn't her present location. For now she had to suck up and deal with the prying gazes and overbearing attitudes from her ever-loving grandparents. Rory noted with a feeling of revulsion that she was incredibly bitter toward Emily and Richard, despite all their efforts and attempts to make this home. Who were they to take her away from her true home? From her friends? She clenched her jaws tightly together and sat on the bed, her arms crossed angrily. There could be no helping it now, though. She was here and Lorelai...her mother was in the hospital. When Rory thought of Lorelai lying helpless in that hospital, all the anger and despair seemed to reach its peak. Tears welled up in her eyes and she clutched at her mending arm, which had begun to ache.  
  
What did she need now? What she needed most was Lorelai...but that might not...it was a long time away. She could wake up tomorrow or three years from now. Rory didn't want to think of it. What would Lorelai do in this situation? Call Sookie...  
  
Rory reached for the phone on her bedside table and quickly dialed Lane's number. "Hello?" It was Mrs. Kim.  
  
"Hi, Mrs. Kim? Is Lane there, please?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice—definitely not in the mood for a lecture on God and his salvation.  
  
Mrs. Kim paused briefly, "Yes...just one moment..."  
  
"Rory?" Lane's warm voice resounded in her ear and Rory breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Lane...Oh, God, I need to talk right now. I don't...I don't want to be here...I don't belong here..."  
  
"You're at your grandparents'?"  
  
"Yeah...It's just—"  
  
"Hold on. *Click*"  
  
Rory stared at the receiver in her hands after the phone disconnected. She redialed quickly, but all she obtained was a busy signal. Rory flopped down on the plush bed with a disappointed expression. Her best friend had to run off to god knows where when she needed her the most. With a defeated sigh she curled up in a fetal position, feeling utterly vulnerable and helpless. Her mind awhirl with conflicting emotions, she slowly dozed off to  
  
sleep.  
  
Rory was awoken by a loud rap on her door an hour later. "Rory?" Called her grandmother. Rory mumbled something incoherent, longing to drift back to sleep, into the peaceful realm where dreams were a reality and she was numb to the pain of real life. "Rory? I'm coming in!" Emily stormed in, her usual fiery self covering up her own shattered emotions. "Rory, this is not healthy. You need to get up. You are not going to stay in bed all day. Now get up and go take a shower. You're going out."  
  
Feeling drained and useless, Rory lifted her head and began to protest. But Emily would have none of it. "Rory, I expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes, changed and showered." Her voice left no room for argument as she left the room and closed the door. Rory knew she would never hear the end of it and moaned to herself in frustration. Suddenly she knew what it must have been like to grow up here. Her heart ached at the thought of Lorelai as she slowly sat up. More tears sprang to her eyes--would they ever dry? Rory looked at the closed door in hatred, her mind frustrated and angered by the demands of her grandmother. With a sob of pain, she forced her leaden limbs to move ever-so-slowly, carrying her to the bathroom connected to her room.  
  
Ten minutes and a scalding-hot shower later, Rory felt more like her old self. She ran a blow-dryer and a brush through her hair before gathering the dampened strands in a bun on the back of her head. Throughout this process, she refused to think. Her mind focused on trivial things -- how much shampoo to use, how to brush her hair -- anything to keep away the pain. When she was finished, Rory surveyed her reflection with deadened eyes. She looked the same as always, but something was just...different.  
  
Another knock came from the bedroom door. "Come in," Rory replied immediately, raising her soft voice to a normal level.  
  
"Woah, these N'Sync posters have got to go."  
  
Rory whirled around as a warm, throaty voice commented on the room's décor. "Lane!" Her best friend smiled sheepishly and accepted the sidesplitting hug from Rory with good humor. "I thought you might need some normal faces." Rory's face was alight with a smile, the first real one in a long time. She had just seen Lane yesterday, but that was in the hospital..."Lane, you're just...oh my god!" The two friends giggled together and squeezed each other's hands.  
  
"Can I come in?" A deep voice called out from the hallway. A dark head poked itself though, gazing nervously around the pink room.  
  
"Dean!" Rory, for once, was too happy to question the unexpected presence of her old boyfriend. She jumped at him and enveloped his tall form in a grateful hug. She peeked around his shoulder into the hallway, half expecting to see another friendly face. But the hallway was empty. Rory pulled back. "What are you guys doing here?"  
  
"We came to take you back to Stars Hollow." Lane's answer seemed too good to be true and Rory cocked a questioning eyebrow at her. "Well...just for a couple days. Emily wants you back on Monday for dinner. But you can stay with me until then."  
  
"Ok, well, let me just get my stuff..." She turned toward her underwear drawer before remembering, "Dean, could you wait outside for a minute, please?" Their relationship was over and it would certainly be embarrassing if he saw her rifling through her underwear.  
  
Dean shrugged, a bit bewildered, "Uh, yeah, sure..." He strolled outside and Lane closed the door. The two friends stared at each other a moment, smiling softly.  
  
"Rory, I...I wanted it to be a surprise."  
  
Rory gave a short laugh as she started to pack her underwear in a backpack. "Well, I'm surprised all right. What's Dean doing here?"  
  
"He gave me a ride. Mom wouldn't let me have the car so I needed to find someone to take me."  
  
"What about Jess?"  
  
"He...He wasn't home." The subject seemed to make Lane uncomfortable and she quickly changed it. "Best take clothing for a couple nights, oh, and we should stop by your house...get your mail..." Rory paused in her packing to think. Mail...college. She had to decide soon...extremely soon. It was already April 16 with May 1st fast approaching.  
  
They collected Rory's bag and Dean and headed downstairs. Emily met them with a proper smile and a hug. "Be sure to have her back by dinner on Monday."  
  
They all nodded solemnly. "Bye, Mrs. Gilmore," Dean and Lane chorused.  
  
"Bye Grandma."  
  
Dean dropped Rory and Lane off at the Gilmore house before driving off to the market for work. The pair walked solemnly to the front door. Rory tried hard to avoid the sight of the empty driveway--what had happened to the Jeep?  
  
A white U.S. Mail box was sitting on the doormat. Lane picked it up, the inside heavy with unopened letters. The house was unchanged, albeit a bit musty from being closed up for two weeks. Rory looked to the stairs that led to Lorelai's room. What if Lorelai--  
  
"Rory?" She snapped out of her thought and turned to the concerned faze of Lane. "Rory?" She repeated.  
  
"I...I'm fine, Lane. Just...give me a minute to get some...some books." Her backpack was already full with clothes, but Rory knew she couldn't live without the blessed relief of books. She carefully surveyed her collection, but nothing seemed appropriate. With a defeated shrug, Rory grabbed a handful of books from each of her categories--fiction, non-fiction, biographies--and, with a last look at her bedroom, returned to Lane.  
  
They were already halfway to town when Lane put her hand on Rory's shoulder to stop their progress. "Ok, Rory, I think we should stop for a second."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Well...I just want to give you the option of taking the back way...like across backyards and stuff..."  
  
Rory's brain refused to work, "What? Why?"  
  
"Well...everyone in town knows...and everyone always means well, but..."  
  
Realization dawned on Rory, "Oh...uhmmm...I..." She tried to think about what Lorelai would do. Her mother was so much stronger and always knew how to handle everything. She wouldn't be afraid of Stars Hollow like her daughter now was. She'd simply smack 'em away and continue on for coffee. Coffee...Luke's...What she wouldn't give for one of Luke's burgers. Rory clenched her fist. This was no time for 'wallowing'. She hadn't broken up with anyone. Lorelai would get better. "No, Lane," she said firmly. "I can't stay away forever...Let's go to Luke's, I'm actually pretty hungry."  
  
Lane looked pityingly at Rory, whose resolve seemed shaky at best. "Are you su-"  
  
"Yes. Let's go." Rory thought back to her first heartache with Dean. Lorelai had wanted her to wallow and simply stop pretending the hurt wasn't there. She hadn't wanted to. Even when she had, Lorelai had been there to comfort and protect her. But she wasn't there anymore. Well, not exactly. She had to take care of herself. The big question seemed to be whether or not she was ready.  
  
They walked down the streets of Stars Hollow, the deep glow of crimson signaling sunset. The town was beautifully painted in hues of golden, violet, and russet as the sun winked goodbye for the day. Shops were closing and more people bustled about on the sidewalk, all staring at Rory. Nobody said anything, but the evening air was pregnant with unspoken sentiments. Rory forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and stared straight ahead, refusing eye contact with anyone. Lane spotted Miss Patty in the doorway of her studio and quickly steered Rory across the street to avoid the surefire pity conversation that would most likely ensue.  
  
When they entered the diner, everything slowly ground to a halt as they stood there, motionless. A single cry of alarm followed by a well-placed curse broke the silence. The cup of coffee Luke had been pouring overflowed onto the counter and spilled onto the leg of his pants. With a half embarrassed, half-sympathetic look in her direction, Luke sped up the stairs to his apartment.  
  
The diner burst into action as everyone turned back to their own conversations, avoiding the defeated stare of Rory at all costs. Rory stood there for a moment, her eyes sadly watching the unusual behavior of Luke's customers. Without warning, she turned around and bolted out the door.  
  
"Rory!" Lane called, stunned. A few precious moments passed before Lane dove after her friend. By the time she ran out to the road, Rory was gone.  
  
Rory returned to Lane's house almost two hours later. Her eyes were dry, but rimmed with a painfully red haze, and her hands were cold despite the slowly warming climate. As she walked up to the porch of the antique store, Lane came out to meet her. Slowly, Rory's doe-eyed gaze met Lane's soulful brown one, awash with pity and helplessness.  
  
Rory's soft voice invaded the silence, asking quietly, "What's going on tonight?"  
  
Lane swallowed against the lump in her throat, pushing back the wave of pity she felt for Rory. They had all been close to Lorelai, but no one more than her. "Well," she began in a cracked voice, "there's that convention for Edgar Allen Poe giving a presentation at Miss Patty's in an hour. We could...we could get dinner and go over there if you wanted..."  
  
"Yeah...okay." Rory took a deep breath and looked around the darkening town. How could it ever feel like home without Lorelai? The pressure of a hand on her shoulder made Rory turn to face her best friend. Worry and concern clearly shone throughout Lane's eyes and she looked at Rory questioningly.  
  
"You...hungry?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do you want to...go to..." Lane bit her lip, unsure of exactly where to go. She would not submit Rory to her mother's ever-sickening meals of tofu.  
  
"We could go to Luke's..."  
  
"Rory, are you sure you can do it? You know everyone—"  
  
"Yes, everyone means well, but I can't avoid it forever. This problem isn't...well...it's there for now." Rory's voice became stronger with every word and Lane could see a dull glimmer of the spark that was Rory begin to return. "Let's just...I dunno...go get some takeout." She turned harshly away and Lane knew that Rory was mad at herself for breaking before and not at Lane. Without another thought, she followed Rory down the steps and out into the  
  
main road.  
  
Later that night, in the Poe convention presentations at Miss Patty's, Lane and Rory spent their time comparing the mustaches of each Poe, keeping Rory's mind from wandering too much. Lane's philosophy: You can't think if you're too busy with something better.  
  
Halfway through, Dean waved to Rory and she managed a half-smile in return. Lindsey scowled and rolled her eyes away. Something inside Rory stung and she lowered her head angrily. What had she done to warrant Lindsey's hatred? She suddenly wished fervently for the presence of Jess. Lane spread a comforting arm around Rory's shoulders, bidding her to look away.  
  
After the presentation, all four teenagers met outside. "How are you doing, Rory?" Dean asked kindly. She noted with a certain amount of disgust how Lindsey snuggled smugly into his embrace, eyeing her warily.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine really..." She looked down at her feet, unconsciously playing the pity factor for all it was worth. Lindsey glowered at her, barely able to school her face to neutrality.  
  
"Well, here's something that might cheer you up. I got – " He was interrupted by a comment from Lindsey.  
  
"I have to get home. Nice to see you two." Her smile was tight as she pulled Dean away. He smiled apologetically, but seemed more than willing to follow his girlfriend.  
  
"See you later, Rory."  
  
Rory's eyes narrowed darkly and she spoke once they were well out of range. "Who does she think she is?"  
  
Lane stared in the direction the couple went. "His girlfriend?"  
  
"I know that, but we used to be friends. It's not like I'm still after Dean...I mean, yes, we did go out for two years, but I'm with Jess now. What's her problem?"  
  
"Well," Lane shrugged, "You used to be with him...You could still like him or want him back."  
  
"But I don't!" Rory claimed this in a heated tone, one that made Lane step back and question her with a perplexed gaze. "Sorry," she apologized in a normal voice, "this is just...one more thing on top of..." She didn't want to say it, realizing that while she was dealing with the Lindsey problem, she hadn't once thought of her mother. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.  
  
"It's all right, Rory. You shouldn't let Lindsey get to you. She's just paranoid."  
  
Rory stared glumly in the direction of Lindsey's house, "Yeah, but why does she have to take it out on me..."  
  
As they walked to Lane's house, they passed by Luke's diner. Inside, they could see Luke and Nicole quietly saying good-bye.  
  
"Wow, I've never seen Luke kiss someone before," Lane stated.  
  
"Hey, Lane...go on, I'll meet you at your house in a minute." She received a skeptical glance from her friend. Smiling, she replied, "I promise."  
  
Rory passed Nicole on her way out. "Oh, hello, Rory." Her greeting had an edge to it, but her smile was sufficiently pleasant. "I'm sorry about the accident...If you need any help with the insurance or anything of that nature, just give me a call."  
  
Rory nodded, "Sure, thanks." Nicole waved good-bye and she stepped into the diner. Luke was just cleaning up the last of the day's messes.  
  
"Rory," he exclaimed, looking up at the sound of the door. "I...didn't expect to see you around here...Sorry bout earlier...You just startled me...Um..." He bowed his head and ran a hand over his baseball hat. Rory remembered that Lorelai had given him that hat long ago.  
  
"Yeah...is Jess here?"  
  
Luke frowned and shifted his weight, a mixture of anger and frustration on his face. "He's probably just finishing up at work...always stays longer than he has to..."  
  
"Oh...okay." Rory's eyes dropped in disappointment and she turned to go.  
  
"Hey, Rory?" Luke called out to her in a pleading, desperate voice and she turned slowly around. "Will you...check on how Jess is doing in school? He's just...well, I'm worried that he's not going when he should."  
  
"Yeah, sure." Rory nodded and looked at her feet as an awkward silence ensued.  
  
"So...do you have to make a decision on college soon? Gotten all the...uh...them back?"  
  
"Yeah." Rory's reply was short and she didn't offer anymore information. She wondered at the tense atmosphere between them, remembering the weird Luke she saw at the hospital. He seemed to have recovered, showing no sign of the dismay or anxiety he displayed during those first two weeks. "So...how are things with Nicole?"  
  
"Oh, good...good..." He nodded more than was needed, seemingnervous. "Well I better get up to bed. Tired...you know."  
  
"Yeah." They stared a moment more before Luke hurriedly dashed up the stairs to his apartment.  
  
Rory then sat on her own for a long time, contemplating the green interior. So familiar yet she somehow felt removed from it all. When would she come in again and not feel apprehensive about the stares and whispers that followed her passage? Glancing at her watch she finally saw that it was already well past midnight. Lane would be waiting up for her. She turned to go. The door opened and she brought her gaze up to stare with relief into a pair of cool brown  
  
eyes.  
  
"Jess..." she breathed. She wanted to run to him, to throw herself in his arms and cry out all her frustrations while he held her and whispered that everything would be okay. But her feet wouldn't move. Something inside her ached, resentful that he had not come to her grandparents' house. Rory knew she was being silly, but still...  
  
"Rory, I...I didn't know you were back here...Didn't you go to Hartford to stay with your grandparents?"  
  
"I came back for a visit. I'm staying with Lane until Monday."  
  
"Oh...How are you—" He unconsciously took a step forward and, with that small gesture, Rory closed the distance, vaulting her body at him. Jess staggered back under the weight of her body, her shoulders silently shaking as dry sobs racked her small frame. Part of her fought the minor break, angered that she let Jess see it...and the other part of her hungered for his soft caresses and words, the ones that would relieve her of the burdens of life...of the accident.  
  
A husky sigh escaped her throat as his warm arms encircled her waist in a loose embrace. The steady beat of his heart under her own slightly calmed and comforted her. Rory closed her eyes and leaned into the hug, letting him support her fully. The press of his lips to her forehead made Rory raise her head to his in question. Before a sound escaped her throat, he had covered her mouth in his own. His kisses were hard, like they always were. Jess was experienced and demanding as their tongues intertwined in an elaborate dance of passion and frustration, their emotions coming to a peak in that one brief moment.  
  
He caught at the table just behind Rory and, with a firm push, he soon had her sitting on the table while his hands caressed her back in a seductive manner. Her hands ran through his curly hair while his kisses moved lower, down to her smooth neck. His hips slid between her thighs and Rory could feel her heart begin to race. Cold fear collected in the bottom of her stomach and she opened her eyes to still the beating of her heart.  
  
The slight hint of movement caught at the corner of her eye and she turned her head to look. Smoke poured into the sky and the bright red glint of fire engines sent her heart thudding in her chest once more.  
  
"Jess!" she gasped, pointing. With a disgruntled groan, he followed her line of sight and surveyed the scene with uncaring eyes.  
  
"It doesn't concern us, Rory," he told her as he easily slid back to kissing her neck.  
  
"Jess, the Inn is over there!" She disentangled his legs from hers and raced out the door, not even turning to see if he followed.  
  
With a pounding heart and a stomach knotted in fear, she raced down the street in the direction of the fire engines. A crowd of spectators had already gathered. Sookie, still in her night robe, came out to meet her in a hug.  
  
"Sookie, what happened?"  
  
"Nobody knows, sweetie. The fire alarm went off in the middle of the night and Toben was just concerned with getting everyone out."  
  
"Did someone call the manager yet?" A deep voice resounded throughout the crowd. Rory turned within Sookie's arms to see the fire chief addressing Michel. The day manager turned with saddened, unsure eyes to Rory, still locked within Sookie's embrace. Her own blue ones dropped and her cheeks paled, all thoughts driven from her head in one fell swoop.  
  
"I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?" the fire chief's gaze darted between the trio, uncertain of his blunder.  
  
"Our manager," Sookie told him, "can't be here. What's going on? Can't we go back in now?"  
  
He shook his head, "Certainly not today...Maybe tomorrow evening."  
  
Michel and Sookie's eyes met, helpless.  
  
"Oh god, I wish Lorelai was here..." Sookie whispered, clutching her hands against her chest.  
  
Pain so deep it was almost physical shot through Rory's heart and she closed her eyes in grief and regret. If only they hadn't fought with Grandma, if only they stayed a little longer. If only...  
  
Rory shook her head. Living within "if only's" wouldn't solve her problem. It was so easy to sink within the realm of pain and become numb to the world. She scrubbed at her face with her hands, as if she wanted to rub the very blood back into her colorless cheeks. A cool New England breeze wafted by and Rory shivered unconsciously. It was time to help. What would Lorelai do? Sookie, on the same train of ideas, repeated Rory's last thought.  
  
"We can't just sit here. What would Lorelai do?"  
  
"You could start by telling these tired people what to do. Where to go," the chief suggested.  
  
"Right! Good! Um...where?"  
  
Rory tapped Sookie on the shoulder. "I'm going to call Mia."  
  
"Rory! Good idea! Um..." she pulled at her arm, drawing Rory away from the crowd. "Do you have any idea where I can put these people? It's kind of exciting, though, you know? Making the decisions..." Sookie's face lit up in a wildly erratic grin. "Just like when we run our own inn..."  
  
"Sookie, I don't think you want your inn to catch on fire..."  
  
"Right, of course not," she shook her head emphatically, sobering immediately. "So, you'll call Mia and I'll find...someplace for these people to go..." she grimaced at the thought and turned away, quickly rushing over to where Michel appeared to be applying for another job.  
  
Rory began her walk home. When she arrived at her destination, she didn't immediately head up to Lorelai's room for the address book. Instead, she flopped down on her bed, hugging her pillow and deeply inhaling the familiar scent of her sheets. She reached over and clutched Colonel Plucker to her chest, squeezing his tiny, fluffy body in relief, anger, frustration, and helplessness. Tears burned once again behind her eyelids, but she furiously blinked them back. No time to cry now. Vaulting off the bed, she took the phone and the stuffed rooster upstairs with her.  
  
The address book was lying on her bedside table, open from the last time her mother had used it. Sadly, the bed wasn't made and Rory could see the indentations where Lorlai had last been. With Colonel Plucker tightly under one arm, she furiously grabbed a pillow and held it against her stomach while she looked up Mia with her free hand. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she listened impatiently for the phone to pick up in California.  
  
"Hello?" Mia's cheery voice answered immediately. Of course she wouldn't be asleep, Rory realized, it's still early night in Santa Barbara.  
  
"Hi, Mia? It's Rory Gilmore..."  
  
"Rory darling! How are you? Oh, I miss you girls! I'm sorry Ihaven't stopped by more, but my affairs here have kept me busy."  
  
"Oh...it's all right...Umm...Mia..."  
  
"Yes, dear? Why, Rory, you sound as if something awful has happened. What is it?"  
  
"It's...the inn...there was a fire just a little while ago and now nobody has a place to go..."  
  
"Oh my! What is your mother doing? Is she there? I really need to talk to her."  
  
"That's just it..." a note of panic entered Rory's voice as she relived the accident in her head. "There was an accident and she's in the hospital..." Tears trickled down her cheeks in rivulets, entering and thickening her voice.  
  
"No need to say anymore, my dear. I will be on the next plane out. Everything will be okay."  
  
"All right..."  
  
They said their good-byes and Rory slowly hung up the phone. She gazed about the untidy room with longing. The photos of them both together, smiling, made the dull ache in her gut return with a vengeance. Her limbs were full of lead and her heart was incredibly heavy inside her breast. Drawing her legs up, Rory curled into the soft cotton of Lorelai's comforter, its folds easily fitting against her contours and creating a plush sleeping place. Without another thought, Rory slowly drifted off into the blissful numbness of sleep. 


	4. Happy Birthday, Mommy

Can You See Me Now?  
  
By Powder  
  
Email: usagi@bellatlantic.net  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Gilmore Girls. The only thing I own is the idea behind this story. If any made-up characters should appear, they belong to me and should not be used without permission. This story is for non-profit purposes and is simply here to amuse and give people something to do with their time.  
  
Note: This is my first published work on Gilmore Girls or any other subject so please be nice. Review pleeeeeeease! I want to thank the people who have already given me advice – I have considered all and appreciate it more than I can say. As a newbie writer everything is greatly appreciated, thanks :)  
  
Oh boy, this story has been sitting in the bunker for a looong time. I am truly sorry...I don't think I quite knew what I wanted to do with it, but I have a vague idea now and that's the best kind to work with. I re-read what chapters I had already written and decided that they needed a change, so I updated 2 and 3 ever so slightly. I don't think the changes are readily noticeable, but they make a world of difference to the characters and the situations. You'd be surprised how a small gesture or a simple word can be so out of character. But, hopefully, I've fixed everything.  
  
I'm working on the idea for this story regularly now, and I hope this new chapter is proof of that. Hopefully the chapters will stay consistent in length or grow longer as I have more to say and the characters have more to do. I'll try to keep updates and progress posted on my profile on fanfiction.net, but I won't promise much. The updates will appear eventually, but it'll probably be *at least* two weeks between chapters, given that I write in brief spurts during boring lectures and time away from class. I'm also working on a Pirates of the Caribbean story and a Sailor Moon story that's based on a fairytale, The Goose Girl by the Brothers Grimm. Those are coming along slowly and I keep switching between them as I get ideas. Sometimes I'll stop for a bit on one because I've reached a big bit of writer's block and I'll concentrate on another.  
  
In the following chapters I'm hoping to relate the events that happened at the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4. I won't follow everything to the letter because circumstances are different now (of course), but I think it would be interesting to take a different spin on these topics. If you have another opinion, I would gladly listen. Thanks!  
  
Chapter 4:  
  
Rory awoke the next morning with Colonel Plucker still clutched in her arms. With a disgusted sigh, she pushed him away and sat up. For a moment, she was bewildered. Lorelai's room, not her own, stared back at her. She slowly massaged her temples and the events of the previous night began to come back.  
  
Her hand flew to the phone and quickly dialed Lane's number.  
  
"Rory?" Lane's frantic voice answered the phone with Mrs. Kim shouting something nearby.  
  
"Lane, I'm sorry! I just...well, there was a fire at the inn—"  
  
"I know, I had two strange people sleeping in my bed last night."  
  
"—and then I went home to call Mia and I fell asleep!"  
  
"It's only natural."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay. Just don't do that again, okay?"  
  
"I'll try."  
  
"Good. Now get dressed and come on over. We can get breakfast at Luke's."  
  
When they walked into Luke's that day, there wasn't a pause or lull in the conversation, but stares, pregnant with pity and remorse followed Rory's every move.  
  
They stood there for a moment, wondering why there were so many people crowded around the tiny tables. Gingerly, they wove through the many bodies to reach the counters.  
  
Sookie's voice drifted over to their ears in bursts from the kitchen. Pretty soon, a furious Luke appeared.  
  
"Luke!" Rory called.  
  
Luke looked up with a start, "Rory?"  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Luke threw his hands up in the air, the pure picture of frustration itself. "The inn blew up and now Sookie's cooking breakfast in MY kitchen!"  
  
Rory raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Sookie's cooking breakfast? Can you tell her to make me some pancakes? Oh, and some French toast, too."  
  
Luke looked as if he wanted to be furious, but his eyes softened and his resolve weakened. With a defeated sigh, he dove back into the kitchen. Sookie's screech made Rory and Lane giggle and Luke soon dove out again, ducking a couple flying olives.  
  
"It's on order, happy?" He growled.  
  
"Yes, thank you." Rory's smile, this time, was genuine. Lane looked at her friend and smiled as well. Just take it one day at a time. It would get easier eventually.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Mia arrived that evening, and she seemed to bring relief and warmth wherever she went. When she saw Rory, she immediately scooped her up in a tight hug and kissed her head.  
  
"Rory, darling!" She exclaimed, her normally happy countenance marred by a frown that looked entirely out of place.  
  
Rory didn't say anything, but squeezed back with all her might.  
  
Sookie and Michel came racing out of the inn, exclaiming their surprise and relief.  
  
"Yes, my dears! I'm here to set it all right. Now come come, let's see what must be done." With an arm around Rory's shoulders, Mia, Sookie, and Michel walked slowly up the path to the inn. When the door opened and Rory saw the devastation, her knees almost buckled. The entire room was blackened with ash and cinders of long-gone furniture. The floor boards creaked ominously underneath her feet and the smell of fire still hung in the air.  
  
"Oh my..." was all Mia said. Her bright eyes took in the grim sight, and as Rory looked into them, she saw Mia wavering. Would the inn close for good? This was where she lived for the first few years of her life...She took her first steps here and learned to speak here...Lorelai's first job was here. Their essence and laughter once filled the halls and a ghost of that memory still remained in the crumbling debris. How could Mia just push all that aside? Of course, the practical side of Rory saw the futility of it all. The inn would take months to rebuild, and a lot of money at that. With Lorelai out of commission, possibly forever, there seemed no reason to keep it open. But Rory didn't say this aloud and Mia did not voice her thoughts either. "Well...I'm going to speak to the fire chief and we'll hold a meeting right here first thing tomorrow, 9:00 sharp. Rory, I have to attend to this business, will you be all right on your own?" Mia's eyes were concerned. After all, she had been like a grandmother or kindly aunt to Rory all throughout the first years of her life. It was only natural that she was concerned for her wellbeing.  
  
Rory nodded and crossed her arms over her chest, "Yeah, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I promised to meet Lane anyways."  
  
But she didn't go to see Lane when she left the inn. Instead, her footsteps took her to the pond and the bridge where she had often seen Jess reading. He wasn't there now, but the quiet lapping of the water against the rocks and the swans sailing across the lake's mirror-like surface calmed her. She slowly sat down and let her feet dangle over the side of the bridge.  
  
Now that Mia was there, everything would be fine. She would take care of everything and it would all be just fine. No need to worry about that. But as she sat there and thought of the upcoming weeks, a disturbing thought suddenly hit. Lorelai's birthday. It was coming up very soon. She had always planned to do something special...Ever since she missed Lorelai's graduation...But this year, what could she do? With Lorelai in the hospital, and seemingly no sign of awakening soon, her birthday celebration would be very dull and incomplete without her.  
  
Soft footsteps interrupted her thoughts and Jess soon came to occupy the spot beside her. He didn't say anything, but just sat. Their hips and arms touched each other, but that was the extent of their contact until Rory spoke up.  
  
"I want to do something for my mom's birthday."  
  
Jess glanced sideways at her. "Okay."  
  
"I don't know what to do. She's...in the hospital, but I still want to do something for her." Rory turned her pleading eyes on Jess and he quickly looked away, a guilty expression on his face. "Jess, you have to help. You're...you're the only one I can really rely on now. I mean, besides Lane and stuff..."  
  
"Rory..." he groaned. "I don't know about planning birthday parties or anything...Why don't you get those friends of your mom's or something?"  
  
"You mean Sookie?"  
  
"Whatever." He shrugged nonchalantly, but kept watching her out of the corner of his eye.  
  
The wheels were already turning in Rory's head. Sookie was good at cooking, but Lorelai always did the organizing...Maybe with Jackson's help... "Thanks for the idea, Jess." She reached over and hugged him around the shoulders. He slipped an arm around her waist and returned the gesture, placing a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. Rory smiled gently, almost shyly, and promptly stood up to begin preparations. If she was going back to Richard and Emily's on Monday, she had to move fast.  
  
Over the next couple of days, Rory spoke with Sookie, Jackson, and Miss Patty at length, organizing a small reception to commemorate Lorelai's birthday in Luke's diner. Not having the strength to organize the grandiose event she had originally envisioned, only about 10 people were on the guest list.  
  
"Okay," Rory said tiredly as she finished up at Sookie's house on Monday morning, "so food under control, place, people...we got it all?"  
  
Sookie smiled fondly at Rory, "Yeah, sweetie, we got it. Want another brownie?" Sookie held out a plate of delicious chocolaty brownies, but Rory had already crammed four into her stomach and the sight of more made the others roll around uncomfortably in her stomach.  
  
"Ah...no thanks...I really need my appetite for tonight. Grandma's dinner, after all."  
  
Sookie nodded sympathetically. "It's all right. I'll give you some for the road!" She promptly jumped up and rushed into the kitchen for a plate and some tinfoil. Jackson grinned from where he sat in an easy chair.  
  
"This birthday party is really helping Sookie, you know."  
  
Rory looked up curiously, "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, the inn combined with the accident really hit her hard...And with the baby, she's been a lot more emotional."  
  
Rory nodded sadly, "Oh...right..." She bit her lip and sat there uncomfortably until a smiling Sookie came back with a tray of brownies.  
  
"Now be sure and say hi to Emily and Richard for me. Oh! And don't forget to invite them to the party."  
  
"Don't worry, Sookie," she smiled and hugged the older woman gently, "I won't."  
  
Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow to pick her up later that day at Lane's house. Lane and Jess saw her off – Lane with a hug and Jess with a quick, hidden kiss. Rory smiled at both of them and reluctantly left the comfort of her boyfriend's arms to step into the plush leather setting of Richard's car.  
  
"So, Rory, did you have a good time?" Emily asked once they were on their way. Rory could only see the back of her head, but Emily's voice seemed light enough.  
  
"Yeah...I really did. I think it helped. A bit, I mean." Rory bit her lip, unsure if this would make her grandmother uncomfortable – after all, she could have stayed with them and received just as much, if not more, attention.  
  
Emily took a moment before replying. "Well...good. And tonight we have a wonderful dinner planned for the three of us and then I was thinking we could watch a movie perhaps, what do you think?"  
  
Rory leaned her head against the window, mustering the courage to say what she wanted. "Well...that sounds great but...Could we visit Mom for a bit?"  
  
Emily looked at Richard and Richard looked at Emily. They were both silent. Rory wondered what they were thinking. Did they think she didn't want to be with them? That certainly wasn't true...better set it straight. "It's not that everything you've planned doesn't sound great it's just that...well, I haven't seen her in a while..."  
  
"You didn't do so good last time you went, Rory..." Richard pointed out in a slow, easy voice, like he was talking to someone who had a gun to their head.  
  
"I know, but I'm...prepared now. I know what to expect. Please? Just for a few minutes."  
  
"Well...I suppose we could swing by for a few minutes." Emily relented. She shuffled in her seat and turned to stare out the window in silence.  
  
Like the last time they had seen each other, Lorelai's complexion still hadn't changed. She was still very pale, but the wounds seemed to be healing, all but a bit slowly.  
  
The doctor was there and greeted the three with a tight smile. "Well, hello, Gilmore family. How are we doing today?"  
  
"Fine." Emily answered. She had her traditional 'no-nonsense' face on and refused to look at Lorelai.  
  
"Well...Good news, I suppose. Lorelai has been healing nicely, although not as wonderfully as Rory here." He grinned at her and Rory answered with the ghost of a smile. "Her brain waves are strong, she's getting a bit thin, but that's to be expected. I really am very confident that she will eventually wake up. She just needs a bit more time."  
  
Rory managed a smile of thanks before slowly walking over to her mother's side. Lorelai's hand felt cold and lifeless within her own, but her chest gently rose and fell with quiet, even breaths, and the monitor beeped annoyingly in time with her heart.  
  
"Hi, Mom," she whispered, laying her hand across Lorelai's own pale one. wwShe felt kind of silly, talking to her with Richard and Emily and the doctor in the room. She should come back. Without anyone else around. It was always easier to spill your heart when no one else was watching.  
  
Back at the house, a nagging thought tugged at the back of Rory's head – one that simply would not go away.  
  
"Grandma?" She began as the maid took her coat.  
  
"Yes, Rory?"  
  
"Why were you so reluctant to go to the hospital?"  
  
Richard frowned and looked down at the floor, almost shamefully. He quickly retreated to his study, the door closing behind him with an ominous click.  
  
"Richard!" Emily protested angrily.  
  
Rory raised her eyebrows and continues to stare at her grandmother. She would not leave without an answer.  
  
Emily sighed and turned to face her granddaughter. Looking at her drawn face, Rory was suddenly aware that Emily was growing steadily older. Her face was pale and drawn, and new lines had appeared on her brow. The constant energy she threw into every aspect of her life just seemed to be slipping away. "Rory...It's not that I didn't want to see your mother...I just didn't want to go, understand?"  
  
Rory opened her mouth to protest, but Emily hurried on.  
  
"Now dinner will be served at 8 sharp. Go rest and don't be late!" Emily shook a warning finger at Rory as if she were a two-year-old before hurrying off to the kitchens. Rory stood in the hallway, alone. At a loss, she slowly trudged upstairs to her room. Why was Emily avoiding the subject? What could she have to hide? Surely she loved Loelai. What parents didn't love their child? Emily acted almost as if she were guilty of a crime. Like it was her fault. Rory's memory flashed back to the moments right before the car accident. The fight. But that's silly. The only one to blame was the stupid deer. Damn deer. Deer were always so stupid. Bambi was cute and all but in real life what do they do? They certainly don't run around with cute fluffy bunnies and skunks. They put antlers in the side of your car and put your mother into a coma...  
  
Rory, exhausted, curled up on her bed in a fetal position. But sleep was far away. The revelation still plagued her conscious thought and kept the peaceful numbness of sleep at bay. Rory tossed and turned for another few minutes before slapping the bed and standing up. She marched down to the kitchens where Emily was directing the preparations for dinner. Her eyes were brimming with determination as she stood in front of her grandmother. She couldn't back down.  
  
"Grandma?"  
  
"Yes, Rory?" She looked a bit ruffled at Rory's expression but held her ground.  
  
"I know Mom doesn't blame you." Emily didn't say anything. Even her stoic expression refused to change. "I know that Mom forgives everything if you say your sorry. I missed her graduation for a stupid, petty reason and she forgave me. I...I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself." The two stood there, staring at each other. For a moment, Rory saw a flicker of remorse in Emily's steely blue eyes, but it was gone before she could be sure. "So...that's what I think." Rory turned around, seemingly defeated. She had been so sure that this would make everything right, but Emily's response said otherwise.  
  
Just as she reached the foot of the stairs, Emily's voice called out to her. "How can you be so sure?"  
  
Rory turned around with a small smile. "Because I know Mom. She does care about you and Grandpa...but you guys just keep...butting heads I suppose." Emily nodded and looked down at her hands. She turned around abruptly to set off for the kitchens once more, but not before Rory caught the view of a shaking hand and a teary eye.  
  
When Rory reached her room again, she looked around, searching for something. The pile of mail. On top sat the pile of college acceptance letters. She had a decision to make, and soon.  
  
Reaching into the pile, she took out the top three colleges. Harvard, Princeton, and Yale. Harvard has always been her dream, why should she ever go anywhere different? Princeton...Princeton was still good...And Yale. Her grandparents went to Yale. Yale was closer to home. Harvard was her dream. Princeton just didn't figure into the configuration. And hey, they were all top schools, right? The hardest of the Ivy's? Rory sighed, frustrated. With a bit of reluctance, she put the Princeton acceptance aside and focused on the Harvard and Yale documents.  
  
Harvard was her dream. Yale was at home. Just far enough but not too far. With grim determination, she pulled out a sheet of paper and made two columns – Yale vs. Harvard – before diving in to the various pamphlets.  
  
Two hours later, she had a long, extensive list completed. She put the list down in her lap and rubbed her weary eyes for a moment before picking it back up and staring long and hard.  
  
"I suppose I'm going to Yale then," she murmured. Would her mother be disappointed? It's been their dream...but Lorelai would want her to get the best education possible. Besides, being so close she could come visit frequently...All the time. She would go to Yale. With a steady hand and eye, she quietly filled out the acceptance application. It was almost May 1st after all. She must meet all deadlines. "Yale it is," she said with finality as she closed up the envelope and slapped a stamp on the upper corner.  
  
At dinner, everyone was particularly quiet and lost in their own thoughts. Rory looked up at her grandparents. They were both picking at their food. Time to lighten the atmosphere. "Grandma? Grandpa? I have a few things to tell you."  
  
Richard looked at Emily but she simply shrugged, clueless. "Well, go on, Rory."  
  
"Well, you know how it's Mom's birthday soon. And...well, I wanted to do something, so I talked to Sookie and Jackson and they're gonna throw this small, well, party at Luke's next week. And I was hoping you guys would come."  
  
Richard raised his eyebrows at this and looked to Emily. Emily swallowed her food and took a sip of wine before answering. "Well, Rory, I think that was very nice of you. We'd love to go."  
  
"Really?" Rory smiled, "Good. Well there's also one more thing." She stopped, gathering her wits. "Well...I have decided that I am going to Yale."  
  
The room was silent. She looked at her grandparents, who were looking at each other. A tiny spark glimmered in their eyes, but it was quickly doused.  
  
"Well...good you chose one." Emily replied.  
  
"But it's...Yale. You know...Where you went, Grandpa? And you Grandma?"  
  
"Yes. It's nice."  
  
"I thought you would be happy about that." Rory was thoroughly puzzled by their reaction. After all, it's what started the whole fight that night...  
  
"Oh, Rory, we'll be happy anywhere you go."  
  
"Well...I think I would be happiest at Yale. I want to go to Yale. I think Mom would, too. So you can be happy about it. I know you want to be." It seemed she hit right on the mark when Emily began smiling and Richard began chuckling. It was the first time she had really seen her grandmother smile since the accident. They promptly began rushing around, shouting to each other and at Rory, calling their neighbors and friends.  
  
Rory crossed her arms over the table, her food forgotten. Well, at least she could make them happy. She would be happy. Of course she would. How could she travel so far away from Lorelai right now? This was the best solution for everybody.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
On the night of the party, Emily and Richard drove into Stars Hollow with Rory. A larger celebration seemed to be going on in the center of the park. Rory looked over curiously. "What's that?" She asked aloud. "It's not time for the firelight festival or anything else that I know of..." But Richard and Emily certainly couldn't answer her questions and they walked to Luke's in silence.  
  
Luke was just exiting when they reached the door.  
  
"Luke!" Rory exclaimed, very confused. "I thought the party was supposed to be here."  
  
"Well, it was. I mean, it was until people started overflowing out the door." He gave a nod to the gathering in the center of the park.  
  
Rory stared, mouth agape. "That's the party?"  
  
"Yup." Luke didn't look too thrilled about it either. "So, you going? You planned it."  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah. Grandma? Grandpa?" All four walked over together, and Rory was immediately surrounded by hugs and kisses and wishes of wellbeing. She accepted them all with a gracious smile and polite words of thanks.  
  
The party raged on. Sookie's food eventually ran out, of course, since it was only meant for about ten or fifteen people. After about an hour or two of conversing and putting on a happy face, Rory quietly slipped away from the throng. Lane was involved in an intense conversation with Dave, Luke was nowhere to be seen, Sookie was fiddling with the food...Nobody would notice.  
  
She slipped past the tables over to the other side of the Gazebo, where the lights couldn't reach. She leaned back against the walls and closed her eyes. She was so tired. Tired of the abnormality of it all.  
  
A soft hand on her shoulder caused Rory to whirl around with a gasp, just to face a concerned Dean. She let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."  
  
Rory smiled half-heartedly. "It's all right. What are you doing over here? What about the party?"  
  
"I could ask you the same question," he replied with a teasing smile and a cocky eyebrow.  
  
"Point taken," she smiled. She felt behind her for the gazebo and slowly slid down the side to sit on the ground, head in her hands.  
  
"A lot on your mind?" Dean asked as he slid down next to her.  
  
"Yeah..." Their hips and thighs touched ever so slightly, but Rory was too tired and numb to move.  
  
"Want to talk about it?"  
  
Rory kept her eyes on the ground and refused to look at Dean, but she did open her mouth for a soft reply. "I don't want to keep pretending that everything's okay." Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion, but that in and of itself said enough. "Everyone expects me to keep up a happy face, but it's just so hard. I don't have my mother here to help me...to tell me when I'm working too hard and...I don't have my best friend."  
  
Dean was silent beside her, but Rory could feel his eyes carefully studying the side of her face, which had miraculously remained dry so far.  
  
"What if..." Rory had never really said it aloud before, but now she had to for fear of bursting with the pressure. "What if she never wakes up? What am I going to do? I still have college...How am I...how can I start without her?"  
  
Dean didn't speak for another few heartbeats before attempting to answer her question. "I know it's hard when someone close to you goes away somehow but...I know you'll get through it because you have to. You're a strong person, Rory, and...even if the worst should happen, you'll get through it because of what she taught you. Biologically speaking, you don't need to rely on her for anything anymore."  
  
Rory half-smiled at this lame attempt at humor, but tears still began to form in her eyes again. Why was she crying so much?  
  
Warm, strong arms wrapped around Rory's delicate shoulders and, without thinking, she immediately buried her face in the soft folds of his leather jacket. The familiar smell broke Rory's emotional dam and the tears simply began to spill forth and would not stop. She cried for her mother, for her horrible treatment of Dean, and for Jess's neglect and the love she had for him.  
  
Dean held her close as Rory let go of all she had been holding back. When the tears finally slowed into choked sobs and tiny sniffles, Dean pulled back slightly and gently took Rory's chin in his hand, raising it up so their gazes were level. Her eyes were red and puffy and silent streams still trickled down her flushed cheeks. His hand gingerly reached up to brush the tears away and slowly came to rest on the edge of her face. Alarms in Rory's head went unheeded as another desire took center stage. Gazing into Dean's warm brown eyes, only the desires to be held and touched and comforted were recognized. Dean's eyes flickered briefly between Rory's quivering mouth and her sweet, doe-eyed gaze as their heads came closer together.  
  
"Rory!"  
  
Rory jerked away and stood up in a flurry of motion. Someone was calling her name. She started around the bend of the gazebo and literally ran into Jess. He put a hand on her hip to steady her. "Woah, you okay?" Rory looked down, ashamed of what she had almost done. "You were crying..." he observed, gently reaching up to brush away the tears Dean had not already caught.  
  
Rory nodded, her eyes caught on Jess's jacket. "I'm fine, I just...needed some time to myself is all." She finally looked up and attempted a smile. Jess looked skeptical, but seemed to accept it as he pulled Rory into a tight hug. He gently kissed her forehead and cheek before resting his head against her own. As she looked over his shoulder, she saw Dean rejoin Lindsey with a brief, chaste kiss. She closed her eyes, but the thought of what she had almost done, the shame, and the bright pictures of Dean's eyes burned behind her eyelids.  
  
******** 


End file.
